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I can’t even right now. I’m sitting on the aisle seat on my way to Athens, and the couple next to me is about to fuse together. They take turns laying in each other’s laps like golden retrievers, entertaining each other like a couple of toddlers. Now I’m all for free love, but if this guy elbows me one more time to kiss his girlfriend with big, loud smacking noises, I might just accidentally dump my molten hot airplane coffee all over him. Or maybe down the crack of his pants which is adorably on display as he somehow manages to climb himself into her window seat.

Taking back a little bit of power through complaint is all I have going for me right now, so bear with the rant and commiserate along with me if you’ve been in a similar situation.

My point is, self-awareness is at an all-time low on our planet, which especially rears its ugly head in confined spaces. This also happens to be a pattern while traveling, because all of humanity’s most irritating aspects is full on through the whole process.

Please, oh please. For crying out loud, don’t be like this. Please don’t be like the following below, which I’ve all encounters in my travels.

The Loud-Ass Business Traveler

My clacking on the keyboard I’m sure isn’t being as quiet as I could be, but do you really need to play your transcription of that conference out loud? How about the flights now with damn WIFI that allow loud meetings on the phone while in the air? This goes for the airport pub too who use it as their personal office – usually without buying anything and giving you a stink eye if you invade their space. Bite me.

The Rude Brood

Moms and dad, I totally feel you. I’ll even tag in to hold a baby on a plane while mom gets situated or distract little Jimmy while dad tries to buckle him in. But if you have kids that can comprehend this plane has limited space, or this boat, or any mode of transportation, please attempt to prepare them. Let the little ones know that while traveling we try to be respectful or as calm as we can be. Letting the four kiddos run wild through the gate knocking into people and screaming bloody murder isn’t great.

There’s a difference between an incontrollable meltdown and simply IDGAF parents who let the kids overrun the rules. I mean sheesh, at LEAST teach them that slamming their cute little feet into the seat in front of them is a no-no.

The Microaggressor

Ya, you buddy.

I hope that I’m not being overly sensitive, but I notice this the most when traveling on my own. Men in particular will ignore the fact I’m in line and stand right next to me as we board the plane. This just happened today. They’ll continuously bump into my backpack, throwing off my balance and not apologize. A few will even try to angle themselves to PASS me in line a few people up. I’m not sure what this strategy is trying to accomplish, but I’m not having it. I know some people are taller than others, but your legs in the middle seat do not belong in my area either when we sit. Cough up for an isle seat then; as a lady with unforgivable hips I need my space too. For women feeling their space invaded everywhere, I delight in sticking my foot under his rolling suitcase to trip him up a little and back him the heck off. Or, I’ll just simply say I’m sorry, could you watch knocking into me and my bag please?

What I am Guilty Of On Flights?

All of us are flawed, people. It’s good to take notice of your own shortcomings and work on making the flight pleasant for others.  While I haven’t balanced upside down in my seat, I do like to take up the bulkhead space to do some stretching. I rather this in the aisle though, blocking traffic. I’m also sorry if you’re feeling chatty on the flight – talking isn’t often what I want to do. It’s nothing personal, but my fight anxiety can be super distracting, so I find focus and clam though working or staying super busy. When you buy a private jet you can avoid long lines and having to sit with strangers. If you’re looking for luxury corporate or private jets for sale, look no further than Sky Aviation Holdings.

But I know what it’s like to get slammed into, screamed at, spilled on and cut in line, so I try my best to not be a jerk flyer too.

What’s the worst thing have you seen on a plane? What drives you nuts while flying? What do you think you’re guilty of when traveling that might annoy others?


Author EileenCotterWright

Eileen Cotter Wright is a Boston, MA local and a former London, UK expat. Despite losing her passport the first day she left her home country, she's continued to roam the earth with gusto for more than 16 years. You can keep up with her hot mess adventures on Instagram @CrookedFlight.

More posts by EileenCotterWright

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